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Never thought it was a problem

A couple of months ago I was at home with my boyfriend drinking and eating A LOT of ice cream and pizza. I had 3 slices and half of a gallon of ice cream, along with many beers. I usually keep my food down, but I guess the alcohol made me weak.

I told my boyfriend that I left my bag in my car, (it actually was there), and I was going to go down to get it. I went outside and drove to the nearby field next to our apartment complex.

It was pitch black outside. I put on my hazards and purged myself of everything in my stomach. I was terrified that a car would drive by or a cop would find me. I'm loud when I purge because I croak. By the time I got home, my boyfriend hadn't even noticed because he was so drunk.

My boyfriend doesn't know that I do it sometimes, but I never want him to know. We live together, and it's very hard. If I do it when he is home I know he will hear me, and sometimes I go so crazy while feeling full that I can't even concentrate on anything. I have to lie down and clear my mind. He will ask me what's wrong and I tell him that I'm just tired, but in reality I'm thinking about sticking my finger down my throat and getting rid of everything he had just cooked me. I'm thinking about the weight I will gain if I keep the food in. I think I'm starting to lose control...

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program