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Never good enough

by mich
(United States)

In High School I seemed to have it all together, and people seemed to be jealous of that. I did well in school and sports, and had a boyfriend I was head over heels for when I was only 16. He ended up mentally and physically abusing me, cheating on me, and making me inflict so much pain upon myself. He ruined me and I felt so awful about myself after that. He ended up dating the girl he cheated on me with and she was this tiny little thing. I was skinny too, but she was skinnier. I never was anorexic because I do love food. November of my senior year I started purging. It was around Thanksgiving time when I first threw up, and I loved the feeling of going to bed hungry so much that I thought this was the perfect situation. Now, I'm in college and I have already been hospitalized for puking blood because of the erosion I am doing to my body. My mom is a nurse and I think she may suspect something, but my older brother is really sick too so I think she may look the other way. I have NEVER TOLD ANYONE about this and none of my friends, or my roomates at school suspect it. I'm starting to pass out and have an irregular heart beat, and I want this to end more than anything. I need to stop.

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