my weight in bulimia recovery!
I have been on your website for the last few nights reading literally everything!! Its amazing and you are so inspiring. I have been in 'recovery' now for nearly 3 weeks and while I am majorly proud of myself, I'm still struggling. I know its not an overnight transformation but my confidence is getting knocked everyday as I feel I am putting more and more weight on!!
I have been doing the macrobiotic diet which involves mainly healthy superfoods, porridge,grains, veg etc and I am actually getting to enjoy it. However, I am hardly eating any fat and yet I don't seem to be losing any weight. In fact I feel so much heavier. I can't bring myself to weigh myself as I think that will just depress me even more. But I can tell from my clothes, everything just feels so tight and I read about the 'bulimia bloat' which I am experiencing almost definitely but its not just that, its my arms, thighs, breasts just all seem like they are getting bigger and bigger. And the more I see myself in the mirror the more I disheartened I get.
I am exercising too but not as much as I know I can do as I feel weak and really have to push myself to go out for run.
I know you don't have all the answers but I guess I just want to know... Will I ever get back to my desired weight? What I used to be pre bulimia?!! Its driving crazy. I don't want to start binging and purging again, in fact I feel as though it is my enemy but I am struggling to stay positive with this weight I am walking around with!! I feel I am doing everything right but with no positive outcome.
Plus my hair is continuing to fall out just to add to my frustration!!
If you could get back to me with any thoughts, ideas or advice I would be extremely grateful. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my message,
I remember hopping onto the scale a week into my bulimia recovery and thinking "HOLY ****" In fact I think I said a lot worse than that even...
I was AMAZED that I could gain over 5 kg's in literally the space of a week. I was terrified to say the least...
I decided that I would not worry about my weight at that point - and once I had recovered I could work on losing it the right way... The healthy way.
I am SO glad that something made me push on... Because, had I not, I would probably still be in the same cycle of destruction today.
Weight gain is often a part of recovery. Now, that doesn't mean you've gained X kilos of fat... There is more to it than that... Your body retains lots of fluid... Your food sits in your tummy for longer and accumulates, your blood cells are finally re-hydrated and so on... There are so many reasons why we gain weight in the early stages of recovery. It can be uncomfortable, but it's something you have to ride out. Trust me - it is SO worth it!
To make this part of recovery easier for you - I think you should go out and treat yourself to some new, baggy and comfortable clothes. I can't stress how important it is. There is nothing more de-motivating than a pair of jeans which cut into your painfully bloated tummy. Baggy baby doll dresses worked wonders for me... Also pants with loose elastic waistbands - 'hippy pants' I call them (In fact I'm addicted to them and am wearing them right now!)
Once you have recovered from bulimia and are eating your 3 meals and 3 snacks a day - which satisfy you - but don't overfill you - You will settle at your natural weight. This might be your pre-bulimia weight, it might be a little lower, or it might be a little higher... It depends on how old you were pre-bulimia - if you are now in your 20's and aiming at getting to a weight which you were at as a teenager - this is unrealistic and unhealthy. BUT, if you were eating well before your bulimia - and you are in a similar age category Ie: 14-19 or 20-30 or 30-40 etc... I would think your weight could easily go back to what it was.
But, remember not to be hard on yourself... To treat yourself with kindness and respect...
Every-time a negative thought about your body creeps in - SLAM it! Remind yourself how freaking brilliantly you're doing! Because you really are! Life is more than the numbers on the scale... In fact - beat your scale to pieces - throw it in the garbage - you are worth so much more than weighing yourself like you're just a piece of meat! You are a beautiful girl with a heart and a soul - who has so much to live for!
I hope this helps... And, I'm looking forward to hearing about your recovery in times to come :)