by Camila Vargas
I actually do not know when it all started... because the first time you feel uncomfortable with your body, that thought, is when it starts. The first time I throw up I was 16 years old, after a huge meal with friends and a lot of ice cream as dessert, made me feel guilty; and the only thing a could thought was how to get rid of all the food I ate in excess. I knew about bulimic girls, and said that it was awful, but that time I became one of them. Every time I felt I had ate something that would make me gain weight, I would go to get rid of it. Then I started eating without control and then puking it all. I have cried, yelled, depressed, ignored and continued with my problem; in spite, of how much I wanted it to end. My parents and sister discovered that I was throwing up and they scolded me, but actually the only thing they did was to make me feel that my bulimia was like another problem in their lives. I promised them I would not continue doing it and somehow I made them believe it. Now I am 20 years old... and my boyfriend, who has been with me three months before it all started, does not know about it. Actually I do not know to who talk about this without making everyone to know it. I feel ashamed, tired and mentally sick about it. I want to change, but forever, not just for one day or two, I want it gone. I do not know if the problem is laid in my willpower or is psychological, I want to have a pretty and healthy body to feel comfortable with it. I do not want to be skinny or in my bones, I just want a balance worked out body... I have changed a lot through these 4 years... I do not think the same when I was younger, I don´t want to ignore it anymore.
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