MY story, started at age 10
this was before it was bad, but if you look at my chest, i had to edit my photos to blur out my rib cage, its disgusting.
Since i was in second grade, i had to take care of myself. My house was full of negative energy. Both of my homes i should say. I never had a sure place i could call home, that i felt safe. I had plenty of different houses, but never a home. I grew up with a mentally unstable mother and my dad was always high or intoxicated on alcohol, hes been doing drugs since he was a teenager. I think that taking care of myself and never had someone supporting me and reminding and encouraging me all throughout my childhood and through the beginning of my teen years is what triggered my low self esteem...
When i was in 5th grade, i felt i was fat, and that's when i started experimenting with anorexia, i wouldn't eat, i live basically off of about 5 energy drinks a day. I didn't understand it then or know what the effects were, i didn't even realize i was doing it. That transformed to starving, then binge eating when no one was around...
From that i gained alot of weight, and then started binging and purging, not knowing the effects of that either. I felt great, i could eat all that i wanted and then make it disappear and not gain a pound. its been over a year now, and i have recovered alot from that, but i cant seem to totally put it behind me. and i want to stop, but sometimes i just dont get what comes over me. i want to put it behind me and become healthy. i used to look at other girls and say that i wanted to be thin like that, though i was too thin. and now im as thin, and look at them, then me, and say i want to be healthy like them.
I used to receive help, i went to an eating disorder clinic, saw a therapist, but i lied to them all. i didn't want the help. and now i do, but my family thinks that i am over it, and i don't want to say i need help again because i saw what it did to them when i was suffering really badly about a year ago. i see other girls suffering like i used to, and i want to tell them my story, but i know that it wont help because it never helped me. people say that its not a sickness, and that its just stupid. but your mind creates your realities, and you dont realize it or want to except it at the tiime. i hope that all of the people suffering from bulimia see my story and realize.
Wish me luck on recovery