My Secret Hell - Living (& Hiding) My Bulimia.
Amazing what you hide with a cute outfit and a glossy smile.
At 11 years old I had my first experience of Bulimia. Trying to be sick after a family meal as I felt a little 'chubby', thinking this was a normal thing. My eldest sister had been suffering with an eating disorder for about 3 years previous to this, and so I had grown up around this condition and had allowed it be accepted as 'normal'.
Years later, after losing weight for this same sisters wedding day, I developed a over-controlling and possessive attitude towards food. Living in fear I would put back on the weight I had lost.
Purging after meals became an easy and quick solution allowing me to continue to steadily lose weight. However around this time I also left home and started College, a decision I wasn't completely happy with and felt was out with my control. I felt lost. Lonely. Insecure. Bulimia become a great comfort in these dark times..something of which I felt was the only thing I had control over in my life.
That was 2 years ago. Today I stand before you a broken shell of a woman, my body ravaged by this eating disorder..my mind completely distorted beyond belief. If I can't stop now, this will most definitely kill me soon.
I am thus far successful in hiding this dark, dark secret from most people involved in my life..professionally and personally. Next year I will qualify as a Nurse, and I want to start my career on a high, not on my death bed.
I don't want to be the patient, I want to live to be the happy, healthy Nurse.
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