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my road to recovory makes a U turn

by zayven reese
(largo florida usa)

i have been bulimic since middle school. my family did not find out till last year. my freshmen year. they were so mad at me. which inly made me more secretive about it. you see my family looks at bulimia as a "white person" CHOICE. but i am african american and i tell them that if it was a choice. i would not want to keep doing it!. but they did not listen. they did not want to pay for help. so instead i tried healing myself. which is not working. at all. everyday i purge. and everyday i tell my self"this will be the last time" only to find myself doing the exact same thing the next day. today i am still struggling. and to hide it from family. i puck in the shower so they wont hear me. or i would puke in towels and put them in the washer so the wont know. i even say that im going for a jog. and puke in the nearest bush then finish working out. people say i am skinney. but i do not see it at all. i an 5'2 and weigh X LBs. i run track and do many sports. i need help and i know i do. but i know that i will die without help. and i know there is no way to get help because my family will not give me any. and i have no one else to help me. i fewl as is i am so alone and all they see is this perfect little athlete girl who is happy all the time. but when i go home and eveyone is sleep. i cry as i stuff my face with fat only to throw it up and cry myself to sleep. please help me. i dont want to die. but i have no strengh to try to recover anymore. i dont want bulimia to win. but i feel as if im fighting a war i know i will lose. email me

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Article by Shaye Boddington
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The Bulimia Recovery Program