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My parents are my biggest triggers.

Hello Shaye, your site is always so comforting.

I'm writing here on your site because i need to get this frustration out of my system...

I've been bulimic for over 10 years. I've been working in my recovery for the past 4 month or so. But during my recovery i haven't been 100% bulimia free, I was vomiting like once a week. So just 6 weeks ago I made a promise to myself to stop the vomiting and stared a program to get fit and healthy, I don't want bones anymore now I want muscles! I was doing great, eating 5 small meals a day and working out. During this 6 weeks my parents were out of town, so I didn't feel any pressure nor did I feel supervised. I looked great - slim, and a bit more tone :0)

The thing is that my parents just got back this past Sunday, and as soon as they saw me, they told me I looked incredibly thin, and stared asking me if I was eating enough, or if I was again vomiting, I feel them watching me all the time. I can't deal with them, it is simply just too much for me to handle. And so for the very first time in 6 weeks I relapsed. I mean, the exact same day my parents got home I relapse, and so it hit me - my biggest trigger are my parents! They know about my ED and they didn't react the way I thought they would. They haven't done any research about my problem, so they are not helping at all, they just don't get it, they just get super mad and upset, to tell you the truth they are making it worse...

They get suuuper upset when I relapse, they don't understand how awful this is. Because I haven't been able to stop 100% my bulimia, they think I don't want to get better, or that I'm not working hard enough on my recovery. I really feel bad, because I know I'm working really hard but they don't understand the fact that I can not recover overnight.

My parents, especially my mom, make me feel incredibly anxious, so they trigger my bulimia up to the roof. To make things even worse I live with them, it is impossible for me to move out, I don't have enough money to make it on my own. What can I do? I see them everyday, and I can see the disappointment in their eyes.

Any advice....? Please help!!!

Shaye Says

Hi there!

Firstly, I just have to say that going 6 weeks bulimia free is such a massive achievement... You should be so proud of yourself and I am sending you big hugs and high 5's from new Zealand!!!

It is so hard for people who have not experienced bulimia to 'get' it... I remember trying to talk to my dad about it after he saw my site... and he said "I guess it's just a phase that all women go through and then get over it"... I am not sure if he saw the shocked expression in my eyes - but it made me realize just how much most people don't 'get' bulimia!! And, then there's my aunty who thinks that anorexia and bulimia are exactly the same thing.... I gave up trying to explain it to her too! BUT, the truth is, just because these people don't understand bulimia doesn't mean that they don't love us with their entire hearts... And, I think the key is to focus on the love they have for us rather than the confusion and lack of knowledge they have about our struggles.

Maybe pointing your mom and dad towards my site - to read my story - will help them realise that you can't just stop bulimia overnight! Maybe if they see that other people go through it too - and walk one step at a time, towards recovery - that this is the way that you will have to do it too.

Try to explain to your parents that you are building your bulimia recovery on strong foundations - and that by doing it step by step, slowly but surely, you are making sure that those foundations are strong and will stand the test of time.

I hope these suggestions help :)

Remember, if ever you need to vent - I am here!


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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program