My life back
I know I have only been bulimia for a number of months instead of the years I see some others have, but I really feel that bulimia has taken me for the last few months. Now I am in recovery and it is actually really good to sometimes keep food down and no binge or purge.
It all began when I decided I wanted to loose weight. I wasn't huge but I was a little overweight. I got these ideas when I was 15 and not long after I turned 16 I became serious. I tried the eat healthy exercise thing but I wanted a quick fix. I stopped eating. I was obsessed with loosing it. I did. In a very short amount of time I lost X kg. It was so fast I could hardly believe what had happened.
It didn't take me long to relise that if I made myself vomit, I could eat anything that I wanted. I began overeating on junk, then purging. To begin, this was only something I did on somedays, then it became daily. Then it was several times a day. Then every meal. I began eating extremely large portions when ever I felt like it, then purging it all up. On a school day it was typically between 4-10 times, and on the weekend I completely lost count.
This cycle did make me loose weight. It was slower then just not eating, but it became noticeable. Over the months of Summer when I did not see my friends, I dropped another Xkg. I was quite on the skinny side.
This leads to why I am in recovery now. I suppose I am lucky, or maybe just unlucky. My health was really badly effected. I fainted several times. Whenever I would stand in public I had to hold something because I was scared that I would fall. My nails were literally more white then pink. I had random muscle cramps. My heart beat was irregular. I was loosing my hair. My skin became bruised so easily. I had really bad side effects. My friends noticed and pressured me to see my doctor. I did; I was really scared.
For a while, even though I was talking to people, I did not want to recover. When my mum got involved I was still not that keen. But then I had my scare. I went to throw up and the puke was literally bright red. I was terrified and have realised that I do need to cut it out.
Thanks for reading this. I am still bulimic but would like to put it behind me. I guess if someone's reading this I'd like to say recovery is not bad and my experience is that the hardest part is beginning. Don't get to a point where it not only takes you over socially and mentally but also physically. And good luck :)
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