My letter to dad telling him I'm bulimic.
I've written this letter out and I'm going to give it to my dad tonight.
To my amazing Dad.
I know I'm you're little girl and you think I'm strong and capable and wonderful and all these things. But the truth is behind this happy mask I wear I have such a problem.
I haven't wanted to hassle you with it since mom left - because I know you've been struggling. But the truth is dad - since she left - I've been struggling too - and this problem I've got has become worse.
I miss her dad. I know you do too and I feel guilty for being sad and weak because I feel like I need to be strong for you. But dad - I'm not strong. I'm falling apart... and I'm sick.
I've got bulimia.
That's where all your hard earned food money has been going. In my mouth and out into the toilet, or into the shower. Even into a bowel in my cupboard. I throw it up. That food you work for - I waste it. I'm sorry.
I hate myself for doing this to you. You work so hard to give me everything I could want and need and then I throw up your money. At least twice a day I waste what you have worked so hard for.
I've been trying to stop Dad - but without you knowing it has been too easy for me to get away with it. I need you to know so that you can watch me. So that I can be accountable to somebody. I can't just rely on myself anymore - I'm not strong enough.
I love you so much dad. You are everything to me. I am so lucky to have a father like you and every night when I pray I thank God that he has given you to me. You're my rock, my beacon of stability in a crazy world...
I know you won't judge me for being bulimic. I know you will help me with bulimia and we'll get through it together. I know you'll be confused and ask what you did wrong... but dad - you did nothing wrong. bulimia is just something that has happened to me - and now we need to find a way out.
I will be home later and we can talk about this. I'm sorry you had to come home from work to this letter.
I love with more than anything,
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