My "Heroism" at night for chocolate
I always used to write until My life became concentrated on food.I've returned from the supermarket right now.It was 11:30 and i hoped somewhere near i'd find my drug"-chocolate (didn't intend to purge). I went privately from home and ran to the supermarket. It was closed. i went to another,then another and so on.. 5 supermarkets were all closed. At night in my home-place it's not safe for a young girl to walk outside the house alone. There are some drunk man near the markets who may do something wrong to you. I was so afraid but the urge to eat this f..ng chocolate was so huge that i walked through them. Fortunately they were all so drunk that only looked at me. I ran back quickly to house and just admitted to myself that i'm such a shit! Today I've binged and purged 3 times or maybe 4?- i don't actually remember. I'm considered to be a very calm, clever, generous and serious person by almost everyone. Is it truth?-of course not. I binge&purge, i can't cope with my feelings and i'm quite depressive. I think my good qualities are drawn. After one week i have a birthday.I'll be 19. On my golden birthday i decided to invite my friends in caffee. However,I don't want to go.You know why?-because: a) i feel fat(everyone says i am not) b)I know that tasty food'll trigger me to binge.oups!"good story", isn't it? from tomorrow i decided to do SOMETHING to quit my activity. Every day ends "from tomorrow". I feel so horribly guilty even in front of pharmacy seller while buying laxatives. I hate that i write such sad things. Everyone wants to hear from me:" hey baby my life is so cool!"I PROMISE TO MYSELF that i'll do everything possible TO BRING MY HAPPY LIFE BACK. I Wish all of you a day when you wake up in the morning without a thought about food and your weight :)!
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