My first time to open up
hey everyone,This would be the first time for me to write about my disoder or as i consider it my struggle I'm so frustrated and i can't talk to anyone i know about what im going through as i know nobody would really be understanding and im not really comfortable talking about it.i started being bulimic in 2009 4 years and a half ago,ive always been considered overweight back then I'm 5'4 and i used to be average weight X pounds as i used to diet all the time that i have never been at a stable weight.Then it all started when it was my prom and i just got frustrated with dieting half my life that i decided to look for other methods to lose weight my first time purging i thought to myself ill just do that whenever im craving a fatty food then ill just diet the other days/meals.But it wasnt that easy first it started by purging once or twice a week then today its 3-4 times a day.At first the first year i lost X pounds i was X pounds then slowly although i still threw up 3 times a day ive gained about X pounds that im around X pounds although ive been doing everything the same thats why now i got to a point that im struggling so much and still not satisfied with my weight i never stopped cause nobody knows and everyone thinks i look so much better then i used to but its not easy as it seems now i think i just wanna be healthy i just wanna have a normal life bulimia took over my life that food is all i think of,what will i eat for every meal and what time will i throw up or i have to go home early before the food stays so long in my stomach i just dont have a normal life as the people around me anymore.I dont like travelling with people as it wouldnt be as easy to throw up whenever i want i can't spend the whole day with my boyfriend as i have to make a trip to home to throw up im just at a point of not knowing what to do anymore i need serious help and i dont know who to turn to,therapists are so expensive and i dont know if i can afford it in my country.I need to talk to someone with a similar story like mine to tell me what to do and how they did it i just want a healthy happy life without having food as my main part of the day i dont wanna hide and eat i just want to be normal person again as i really dont remember how it was before i just wish i can go back now and do it the healthy way.Please help
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.