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My first time to open up

hey everyone,This would be the first time for me to write about my disoder or as i consider it my struggle I'm so frustrated and i can't talk to anyone i know about what im going through as i know nobody would really be understanding and im not really comfortable talking about it.i started being bulimic in 2009 4 years and a half ago,ive always been considered overweight back then I'm 5'4 and i used to be average weight X pounds as i used to diet all the time that i have never been at a stable weight.Then it all started when it was my prom and i just got frustrated with dieting half my life that i decided to look for other methods to lose weight my first time purging i thought to myself ill just do that whenever im craving a fatty food then ill just diet the other days/meals.But it wasnt that easy first it started by purging once or twice a week then today its 3-4 times a day.At first the first year i lost X pounds i was X pounds then slowly although i still threw up 3 times a day ive gained about X pounds that im around X pounds although ive been doing everything the same thats why now i got to a point that im struggling so much and still not satisfied with my weight i never stopped cause nobody knows and everyone thinks i look so much better then i used to but its not easy as it seems now i think i just wanna be healthy i just wanna have a normal life bulimia took over my life that food is all i think of,what will i eat for every meal and what time will i throw up or i have to go home early before the food stays so long in my stomach i just dont have a normal life as the people around me anymore.I dont like travelling with people as it wouldnt be as easy to throw up whenever i want i can't spend the whole day with my boyfriend as i have to make a trip to home to throw up im just at a point of not knowing what to do anymore i need serious help and i dont know who to turn to,therapists are so expensive and i dont know if i can afford it in my country.I need to talk to someone with a similar story like mine to tell me what to do and how they did it i just want a healthy happy life without having food as my main part of the day i dont wanna hide and eat i just want to be normal person again as i really dont remember how it was before i just wish i can go back now and do it the healthy way.Please help

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program