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My dark cycle

by Chris
(United states)

It started in 9th grade,I had started a new school and let's just say that it's wasn't very nice. I was the only new one that was in the class and no one spoke to me and no one will speak to me for the rest of the year. My classmates would whisper and I would hear "oh my god he is so fat". I had no friends only bullies to tell me how useless I am and how fat I was, so I started a diet. At first it was a healthy diet eating salads, drinking water, that stuff. A few months later on I was so scared to go to the shop in school to get water because I thought I would have all eyes on me. I wouldn't eat anything for the whole day, I would only drink water at home. One night I was watching a movie and I thought I should go into the fridge and get something to eat because I was starving , I ate one chocolate and I hated myself, there was voices in my head saying " can't believe you ate that chocolate" " your gonna get fat" "your useless go kill yourself". I was frightened I went running to the bath and looked myself in the mirror and a few seconds later I was vomiting up the chocolate, and this cycle was going to go on and on. 2 months later I had lost X pounds, I was becoming very dizzy everytime I would stand up, I would collapse by only walking , my chest was hurting all the time and my eyes were red from all the pressure from vomiting, Im having thoughts that I'm going to die from this, I need help but I'm scared that going to get judged

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