My bulimic life
(Brooklyn, NY )
When I was little I was a really skinny girl. But ever since I hit puberty I've gained weight. I hit puberty when I was 11 yrs old which was an a young age. People would call me fat and it hurt me in the inside I just wouldn't show it to others. When I was 14 yrs old I knew I had to do something about it. By that time my weight was Xlbs. So after every meal I ate I would run to the bathroom and throw everything I just ate out. It made me feel good. Like I was in control. I knew it was wrong but there was a voice in my head saying that's the only way to be beautiful. And to be beautiful I would do anything. All my friends would tell me that I am really skinny that they wished they had my body. But I would always answered that I'm not skinny that I need to lose weight. So that's what I did. I've lost X pounds. But when I turned 15 I become more obsessed with my body image. I stopped eating and made sure I didn't eat more than X calories a day. But knowing that I still ate made me want to do hours and hours of exercise. I would sleep on an empty stomach but I didn't care cause I loved waking up in the morning looking at my flat small stomach in the mirror with a big smile on my face like I've achieved my dreams. And my weight went down to a X. My parents started getting hints that I was bulimic. They kept telling me that being skinny isn't everything... but I still didn't listen. Then it finally came across that I was hurting myself. I wanted to get some help but I felt ashamed of myself. So I started forcing myself to eat I went up to Xlbs. And now I'm about to turn 16 in 2months and I weight X. I still have that voice in my head telling me to throw up, saying that I'm ugly and fat. I went through this all by myself with nobodys help which made me so upset. I'm still insecure about my body and I still make myself throw up every once an a while. I know I won't stop until i get help but I just can't admit to myself That I really need it.
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