My Bulimia Story
I was smart as a kid and my family did acknowledge this but all my cousins and my sisters were thin and I was rather chubby. I loved food and I would eat a lot.
My cousins started to tease me. They would call me fat and a pig and many other things. My sisters would also call me fat, but this was just when they were annoyed at me. Of course this brought me to tears yet I would still eat.
My Grandparents and parents would encourage me to lose weight. Like for instance on my 11th birthday they bought me a tracksuit that was 5 sizes too small and made me put it on in front of them. I felt so humiliated. Especially when my grandad told me that it just showed me that I needed to lose weight and suggested I go on a diet. He also gave me a sports booklet, encouraging me to play sport.
This is only a few of the comments I received from people regarding my weight. Over time what they said built up and really damaged my feelings of self worth and lowered my self esteem.
I loved to read. One day I read a story about a girl who was also a little over weight. She talked about how she lost weight by being bulimic.
The next week I was at a party. My Grandad raised his eyebrows when he saw how much food was on my plate but I ignored him. However he made me feel so bad that I ended up going to the bathroom and forcing myself to gag. It really felt disgusting.
I weighed myself the next day and saw that I hadn't gained weight. So from then on I used it only a few times to help me when I had eaten too much. I thought it was a cool secret, being able to eat as much as I wanted and not put the weight on.
But after a while it started to have terrible effects on my body.
Bulimia has really made me so obsessive in terms of food and weight. I am always depriving myself and this causes me to feel guilty when I eat any junk food. So for the last 4 years I have struggled with bulimia. Every day is a battle and I feel as though I have tried everything. I just want to learn to love myself and accept my body. I would love to overcome Bulimia. And I think that anyone who has a normal relationship with food is seriously lucky even though they don't realise that.
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