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My Bulimia Story

by Rachel

I was 13 years old.. I was naturally very thin (my BMI told me I was under weight) but medias idea of beauty got to me. I went through a fase in grade 7 where I was quite chunky.. I didn't care. I was young, fun-loving, care-free, I was thin. My body image started to become very distorted after boys and popularity and celebs started to occupy my thoughts, and when I had found out I would be going to Florida with my friend.. I started to go down a dark path. I started seeing flabby thighs, a big stomach, back fat, and other things that were barely there. I had to look good in my new bikini. I had to loose weight. After many failed attempts at extreme dieting, I felt like I had just eaten too much one night. I couldn't get my mind off of the food I had just eaten.. I had to get it out of my body. I went upstairs and threw up. I barely threw up anything, but I didn't know. I thought that I had thrown up everything (I would later realize my full "throwing up potential"). It felt better to have my mind cleared.. And I promised myself to never do it again.. That was a lie. Every day I would snap and binge. Nobody suspected anything. I would go in the bathroom for hours and throw up. Eventually I realized I could throw up more, and more, and more. Eventually I just couldn't hold down food. It was EASIER to throw up. It would come up so much easier. It seemed like it was so much better for me to eat whatever I wanted. It was the easy route. That's what I thought until my parents started questioning me. I would constantly be in the bathroom.. And they got suspicious. I told my step sister.. And she told my mom. I was so mad at her! I hated her! But when I saw my mom crying, I knew it was time to stop. She blamed it on herself.. And I couldn't let her do that. With help and guidance from my mom.. I stopped. The next few months I ate and excersized like a NORMAL kid. I was healthy. I went to Florida and I got complimented on how healthy I looked. I look back and realize that although it seemed like the easy way out, bulimia was the opposite. I was constantly thinking about food. ALL. THE. TIME. I hated myself. I was never good enough. And the truth is , if I had gone on, I would NEVER BE good enough. I would never be satisfied with myself. I also realized that I didn't loose weight from my self-enducing.. I lost my baby fat naturally.. I didn't gain any weight after I stopped vomiting. I think what you need to remember IS that you are your own worst critic. Other people are too worried about themselves to worry about how you look, so we can't worry bout what they think! Free your mind of constant thoughts of food, and weight.. Your quality of life WILL improve. While your trying to be like other people, other people are looking up to you. Be a good role model, have confidence, live your life to impress GOD, because nobody else matters.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program