My bulimia story

Hi friends...

I'm 22 years old I'm from Venezuela (South America) and I suffer from Bulimia. I've binged and purged for two years almost everyday. Sometimes 3 times a day, sometimes 8, or 9 or 10.

I felt really disgusted with my body and my life, but it was the only way to control my biggest fear: gaining weight.

It all started when I was 18, (I was the ¨fattie¨ of my class, no boys liked me). I started dieting really hard for my high school graduation. I dieted and exercised every day. ( I didn't vomit or binge yet) I lost 55 pnds in just three months. I started to look beautiful. I starting getting lots attention from men. And I swore to myself never to be fat again.

After this, I became obsessed with my body, with being beautiful, attractive, "perfect". I became sick.
When I ate something that wasn´t allowed on my diet I felt so bad that the only thing I could think of is how I was going to get it out. This is when I started vomiting. I thought it was something I could control, but bulimia took over my life.

My mom didn't know about it, but she found out a few months later when she entered to my bathroom and saw the toilet (I didn't clean it very well that day). She worried a lot and made me swear I would not do it again.

Of course, as all bulimic promises, the next day I was vomiting again. She never found out I continued for a year more.

My hair starting falling, my nails were a disaster, my cheeks were huge. I looked weak, my heart literally HURT. It was awful.

A month ago I decided I will stop my bulimia and make an effort to live a normal life...

I really want to recover from this and re-stablish my relationship with food. I havent vomited in 51 days. My body looks stronger and I'm pretty sure I've gained a few pounds, but I'm very worried about everything, I worry when I overeat. I feel so hungry all the time. I even have nightmares almost every night where I binge and then purge and I wake up sweating and worried I failed at my recovery.

I have a therapist, a nutritionist and my boyfriend who have all been very supportive. But honestly sometimes I just want to talk with people that have gone through the same.

I read every newsletter of Shaye and my Amazon Kindle is full of Bulimia Recovery books. I'm really focused on my recovery.

I guess I just have to stay positive and continue my battle.

Its hard.

I want to be healthy.

I don't want to put my head on the toilet ever again.

Thank you all for all your inspiring stories.

Remember being beautiful is being healthy, and most important. HAPPY