My bulimia story
I'm 22 years old I'm from Venezuela (South America) and I suffer from Bulimia. I've binged and purged for two years almost everyday. Sometimes 3 times a day, sometimes 8, or 9 or 10.
I felt really disgusted with my body and my life, but it was the only way to control my biggest fear: gaining weight.
It all started when I was 18, (I was the ¨fattie¨ of my class, no boys liked me). I started dieting really hard for my high school graduation. I dieted and exercised every day. ( I didn't vomit or binge yet) I lost 55 pnds in just three months. I started to look beautiful. I starting getting lots attention from men. And I swore to myself never to be fat again.
After this, I became obsessed with my body, with being beautiful, attractive, "perfect". I became sick.
When I ate something that wasn´t allowed on my diet I felt so bad that the only thing I could think of is how I was going to get it out. This is when I started vomiting. I thought it was something I could control, but bulimia took over my life.
My mom didn't know about it, but she found out a few months later when she entered to my bathroom and saw the toilet (I didn't clean it very well that day). She worried a lot and made me swear I would not do it again.
Of course, as all bulimic promises, the next day I was vomiting again. She never found out I continued for a year more.
My hair starting falling, my nails were a disaster, my cheeks were huge. I looked weak, my heart literally HURT. It was awful.
A month ago I decided I will stop my bulimia and make an effort to live a normal life...
I really want to recover from this and re-stablish my relationship with food. I havent vomited in 51 days. My body looks stronger and I'm pretty sure I've gained a few pounds, but I'm very worried about everything, I worry when I overeat. I feel so hungry all the time. I even have nightmares almost every night where I binge and then purge and I wake up sweating and worried I failed at my recovery.
I have a therapist, a nutritionist and my boyfriend who have all been very supportive. But honestly sometimes I just want to talk with people that have gone through the same.
I read every newsletter of Shaye and my Amazon Kindle is full of Bulimia Recovery books. I'm really focused on my recovery.
I guess I just have to stay positive and continue my battle.
I want to be healthy.
I don't want to put my head on the toilet ever again.
Thank you all for all your inspiring stories.
Remember being beautiful is being healthy, and most important. HAPPY
Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community