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My bulimia story ~ sorry if too long ~

by Lola

Hello I'm Lola & I'm 17 years old & can't wait to be 18 or just a bit older. I've had bulimia for 2 years now & it's been a hell of a struggle...

Let's see all my life I’ve been on the move with my older brother who's only 2 years older & younger sister who's 3 years younger than me. And of course my mother. My parents divorced when i was 6 which are sad but it doesn't affect me as they are good friends.

You see i started getting bullied for my weight & personality/shyness; i was quite chubby and very shy but now i think about it there were 3 other girls in my class that weighed more than me & didn't get picked on & one was even the one bullying me. Weird eh?

I also remember being very insecure even before being bullied. I remember hating going swimming or beaches because was afraid people would laugh at how big my thighs were. I was also shy which didn’t help at all. So my mum though of moving ( also my brother was always sleeping in lesson & sister staring trouble & bitchy fights ) We've been to Spain , Italy , Greece , Germany , japan , Australia , Brazil , Portugal , Russia , UK , France , Hawaii & some place in USA. My mother really liked USA & so did we so she though let's buys a house. I was 15 now. We had a nice house; mum had a nice job & had school. It was ok i guess. Brother got into football team & sister was doing well; she had more friends than anyone i know. And then i fell for THIS guy.

He was very handsome i must say but trouble. Some people still get confused why i ran after him, maybe it was because i though i saw good in him. How wrong i was. He started to tell me to stop eating so much & we had arguments like every day i saw him. He wasn’t a good boyfriend really. He then calls me fat as a joke but his eyes told another story. I then started dieting which led to skipping breakfast & lunch. Then one day i saw a film, i can't remember the name. I saw a girl purging and i was amused in a way.

Then i heard a girl purging one day when i was at school & she had an upset stomach/food poisoning . And said how she’s happy that vile food came out. I started to think if I purged maybe once or twice than maybe it help me better to lose weight. I then though i should do it just once but as you know it don’t end like that at all. My boyfriend than got very angry at me for not going out or not having sex with him or not going to party’s and drink with him and so he'd be violent towards me.

It was utter hell he’d say i looked bad and gross looking everyday which made my purging 2 to 6 times a day sometimes 10, i then got this job in a cafe as a waitress. I met this guy he was so beautiful he looked like zac efron & david beckham oh god. He would notice my skipping meals and pale face & going toilets unlike everyone else. He'd say ' Are you ok? ' or ' Is something wrong?' he was a good guy, very sweet and caring and funny.

He didn't like my boyfriend as my boyfriend was known to be trouble ofc & a player. I started hanging a lot with the beautiful guy and my bf got jealous and went very violent words me. (we were outside his backyard) He strangled, kicked, pushed, bit, slapped, and punched me everywhere but mostly face & stomach. The neighbours heard my scream and the police/ambulance came.

He was taken to the station & me to the hospital. Everyone was shocked & all wanted to kill him ha. I remember the beautiful guy visited me like every day. After i got better and went court and stuff, went back to work. The beautiful guy was being more gentle and sweet that ever. He always smiled even with my bruised in my eyes and cheeks. He'd call me pretty and beautiful which i don't believe but it did make me blush. He’d be very worried when I would restrict & he could start to see through my lies. Whenever I binged in my car he’d smile because he’d though I was happy but inside I hated it. And every time he’d pass my car and wave at me while I binged I hated it & felt embarrassed but he thought nothing of it. He then said to me one day while he was caring my bruises and said his mum used to hit him until the age of 15 & so he knows how it felt. It made it better for me. The more we’d talk about our experience the less I binged , purged , restricted.

He then asked me on a date and we dated, i felt like in a movie like notebook or dear john ha-ha. He was everything i dreamt for. i felt good enough for him. but somehow i was slipping away. i lost weigh rapidly so they say. purged multiple days , had panic attacks , exercise 3 hours a day , binged most nights , restricted , sleep for hours you get the picture. He noticed but didn't know of my purging.

His big blue eyes were so sad maybe because of how i was wasting away. One day i skipped lesson (i always did) and went work instead, little did i know he was there ( I forgot he didn’t have school , a day off ) & we had this huge argument outside of course. He then finally shouted out ' you’re not eating , please don't do this , i don't want you to go ' and ' why do you always go to the toilet , what are you doing there ?' i felt speechless & i don't know why but i collapsed.

I woke up in the hospital bed with tubes and straps around me it was scary but i felt too weak to move or speak. i saw my mother crying outside & brother i think starstruck and sister for once wasn't making a mess. and my boyfriend (the beautiful one: D) outside eyed all red, shaking and looking at me. I was diagnosed with bulimia nervosa with anorexic tendencies & depression. it was hard you know.

They said how i weighed X pounds and how i dropped X pounds in only couple of months. My boyfriend thought he was to blame when he wasn't which made me more upset. I then stayed there and he'd visit me and smile gently and hug me & help me as much he would. He'd make me laugh and wouldn't push me to do stuff i didn't want to. I guess it was very hard for him when he saw me crying when i wanted to purge and restrict. this made me cry which made me feel like shit.

I then went home after was at good weight but straight away start exercising , my bf saw that and had a long talk with me about how i should stop and stuff i fighted but eventually i gave ( after several days ) right now I’m trying to recover but it's really hard. I'm getting help from family, friends & boyfriend. My mother found a boyfriend and she finally complete, brother taking law as well as football & sister not being a bitch anymore ha-ha.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program