My Bulimia Recovery Process

by michelle
(new jersey )

So I'm 24 years old and I have been a bulimic for about 3 years. I think for this past year I desperately wanted my life back. My NORMAL life. I have only told one person about my "secret" and that is my boyfriend of 3 years. I hated eating abnormal amounts of food and throwing it up! It's disgusting! Also the thought of me eating all this food and getting rid of it makes me sick; knowing there are millions that would die to eat the food i had just thrown up. so i have tried to recover before. But the longest lasted no more than 2 meals! but im happy to say that I WILL RECOVER, and I WILL GET MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK! Because like Shaye mentioned, it's sooo worth it in the end! I can only imagine what my life will be like once this difficult process is over. So I was in the UK year and a half ago, visiting some relatives. And for some reason i wanted to lose more weight. Before i started b/p i was about X pounds at 5'2". a year and a half later when i went to the uk, i was X pounds. and for some reason i had an urge to see how far i could go. so i decided to stay in the uk. i stayed about a year and a half. and i lost about X more pounds. then my weight would rise and fall between X (being my lowest ever) and X pounds. i got back to the us and so many people were shocked when they saw me. Many said I looked really good. hence i was 5'2". but others said i looked sick. so i decided to gain some weight to keep people from noticing anything "fishy". i went up to X pounds... and here i am trying to recover. I'm getting married in the end of June! and i am soo worried about the weight gain! i already have my dress! and I wish this wasn't part of the recovery process. I guess time will tell and i hope i get stronger each and everyday. because i hate the "full" feeling! so I'm on my second day! i hope it goes well!