My body hurts :(

by Lexi
(Arizona)

I've been bulimic for about 5 or 6 years now, after recovering from anorexia of about 2 years. I'm starting to feel the effects of longterm binging and purging, and it's scaring me to death. I'm dizzy all the time when I stand up, and have chest pains that will literally stop me in my tracks as I just try to wait it out. I'm sick all the time, and my throat hurts in the mornings when I wake up.

I still can't stop though. I throw up 5-15 times a day. I feel like I can't tell any of my friends because they won't like me anymore. They're not superficial, but I just don't think they'll want to be around me. I can't deal with the loneliness, so I just don't tell people about myself.

I feel like an embarrassment. A weak, flabby embarrassment. My parents have been begging me to get help for a couple years now, but I'm so sick of bouncing from counselor to counselor and telling my life story over and over again. On top of all this, I also struggle up and down with an alcohol addiction.

I'm desperate to change, but at the same time, this is normal for me now. Sometimes, I wonder if I'll make it out alive from this battle. I hope so. There's so much left to do. Any and all support is appreciated greatly.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community