Your bulimia recovery
Tap here to read more about the bulimia recovery program

My online program and private recovery community has helped hundreds of women beat bulimia.
Click here to learn more

Beat bulimia using my online recovery program and private community. Hundreds of women who were just like you have done the same!

Click here to learn more Member Login

my bilimia :$

by confused english girl
(England)

Well, here goes, I've never told anyone about my "double life" so I'm not really sure what to say, but I guess just want to let go in hope it might help somehow....

I am 16 and I've been bulimic for at least 5 years, I remember it starting out as more of an experiment, I had always been self conscious, always dressing in big jumpers to cover up any extra flub, but nothing (that I can think of) triggered my first purge. I've now realised that was the worse "experiment" I ever did!

Binging and purging, and I'm sure others can relate, is now just an addiction! I remember thinking to myself 'I'm not bulimic, if I was then I wouldn't be able to stop, but I can I just don't want too' that was until I really did try to stop, that was when I realised my illness was out of my hands now, I've been trying to overcome my illness by myself since then (and that was a good 3 years ago)

I'll go for days or even weeks without eating at all and I'll finally feel happier with my body, my clothes look better I feel confident(ish) with my looks so I let myself have a treat, that's when the cycle starts all over again. I've forgotten what a normal meal is now, I don't know when to stop, I'm so used to eating such a large quantity of food that I can barely tell when I'm full now. During a binge I feel as though im in a trance, I can't control myself :(

Bulimia has impacted me emotionally the most, I'm 16 I should be out having fun but I often find myself making excuses to my friend as to why I cant go out, just because I am too ashamed by the way I look in my clothes, it's humiliating.

I'm scared that recovering will result in me putting on more weight then what I am already. I mean sometimes I like the feeling of not eating, I feel I have finally achieved something! But it never lasts. I do get boys attention and my friends compliment me but it never gets through and I don't believe it ever will (its frustrating really) baaaahhhhjehjqf I dunno, I feel lost and guess I would just love it if I could talk to some people about it, I don't want to be like this forever, its ruining my life!

thanks for reading,

love from, confused English girl ;)

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.

 

 

Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program