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My battle with bulimia

by Nadya
(New York )

I was adopted when I was 7and a half. Before that I lived in Russia with my alcoholic grandma because my parents were to drugged out to take care of me. I was then taken by social services to an adoption center, I stayed there for 2-3 years. When I came to the United states I gained a lot of weight because I was eating real food that I have never had before. My mom took me to the doctor thinking that my weight gain was due to a thyroid condition also my younger sister would call me fat and ugly and I was always the type of person to blow it off. When I got into middle school I started being more aware of my weight and the thought that I was fat, I would go on "diets" that we're harmless but never lasted long enough for me to see any results. I became more upset and disgusted by my weight through out middle school and I knew what eating disorders were but I never thought that I would get one. My breaking point or starting point to my bulimia was when I was packing lunch for school and I was putting cookies in a bag and my sister calls me a pig and I told her to shut up and my mom told me to not use that language, I was so upset and hurt that I couldn't help but break down in school and cry in front of everyone after that everything went down hill. I entered my freshmen year of high school and the summer before my first year of high school I developed my eating disorder habits, I threw up ever thing I possibly ate and had severe binge and purges which then led me to self harm. No one in my family knew about this and neither did my friends, I had finally got the courage to tell my best friend about my problem which she said she kinda knew about but didn't want to say anything. I battled with this disorder all through out freshmen year and it kept getting worse, my parents still didn't know what was going on and now only one of my other friends knew what was going on. My wake up call was when I was home alone and I had a really awful binge and purge and it was like 1 in the morning and I decided to drink a water bottle filled with Vodka and old whiskey. I was piss drunk and called my best friend crying my eyes out and telling her that this was it for me and that I was done with everything and how sad and pathetic it was for me to be like this. The next morning I woke up not remember anything and my best friend called me asking me if I woke up alive. After that incident I knew that I needed help but I didn't know how to ask for it so I kept up with my eating disorder and cutting but I became more secretive about it. I still deal with my eating disorder but I now know that people are there for me when I need help and when I'm having a rough dating eating or over eating. I just want everyone to know that you can make it through your eating disorder and it may be tough but the feeling that you get knowing that you defeat your demons is amazing and it will make you feel strong and you are going to be ok and you will be able to live freely and be happy.  My heart goes out to all that beat and are trying to beat their eating disorders. 

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program