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Mom Im sorry

by Valerie

MOM
I WISH ONE OF US HAD THE STRENGTH TO FACE EACH OTHER. I KNOW YOU KNOW THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME, I CAN SEE THE WORRY IN YOUR EYES AND HOW YOUR VOICE BREAKS WHENEVER YOU ASK ME IF I ALREADY ATE. I NEVER DOUBTED YOUR LOVE TOWARDS ME, NEVER. A YEAR AGO YOU TOOK ME TO THE NUTRITIONIST AND I COULD SE THE PRIDE IN YOUR FACE AS I DROPPED ALL THOSE POUNDS. I WAS A HEALTHY GIRL THEN. THEN FOR SOME REASON I STARTED OBSESING WITH MY WEIGHT, AND I FELT SO BAD WHEN I BROKE MY DIET. I MIGHT'VE BEEN x POUNDS BIGGER, BUT I WAS HAPPY, CONFIDENT AND HEALTHY... NOW, EVEN I CAN SEE THE DIFFERENCE IN HOW GUYS TREAT ME, MY FRIENDS ENDLESS COMPLIMENTES, I AM NOT HAPPY.. I CAN NOT CONTROL MYSELF OVER FOOD, FOOD IS ALL I THINK ABOUT, I BINGE BUT THEN I FEEL TERRIBLE AND PURGE AND IS AN ENDLESS CYCLE I CANT END. ITS ALMOST A YEAR SINCE THE FIRST TIME.. IT TERRIFIES ME JUST TO THINK ABOUT GAINING ONE GRAM AND IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS I KNOW I HAVE GAINED SOME WEIGHT AND IM JUST DEVASTADED.. I CAN SEE YOU WORRING ABOUT ME, YOU KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BUT MAYBE YOU DONT WANT TO ACCEPT IT, THE TRUTH JUST HURTS TOO MUCH, I HAD A HARD TIME ACCEPTING IT TOO, I WANT TO END IT SO BAD BUT IM TOO SCARED. I KNEW THIS HAD CONSECUENCES BUT THEY WHERE HIDDEN UNTIL NOW, BASQUETBALL WAS MY PASSION, IM TOO WEAK PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY FOR IT NOW, I LOOK BACK A FEW MONTHS ANDTHE VALERIE I SEE LOOKS MORE LIKE A GHOST, I WAS REALLY GOOD AT IT, I WAS A VITAL KEY PLAYER IN THE GAME, I TOOK MY TEAM TO NATIONALS AND WON, NOW IM LUCKY TO HAVE SOME MINUTES ON THE COURT.
I LOVE YOU MOM AND I DONT WANT YOU TO FEEL DIAPOINTED
BUT THIS HAS TO END

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program