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"Mom, I think you were right; I need help with bulimia"

by Arinna
(Bucharest, Romania)

I've always been an ambitious kid. I managed to achieve every target I set. This might seem a good thing, but it also has really bad consequences. Until the 10th grade, I didn't care about the way I looked. I loved eating fast food and sweets and I did it whenever I could. I used to spend all my money on food. I was 1, 67 m tall and I had X kg. Eating made me happy (or at least this is what I tought) all my life.

Then, my brother lost a lot of kg's (in a healthy way), my friends and family started to talk about my weight, about the fact that I should do the same. I've always been the strong, nice, gentle, brave, smart kid, so I felt like I was in a competition I had to win.

Suddenly I woke up in the front of my mirror and I realised I was overweight. It was the first time I really cared about the way I was looking.

I HAD to become thin. Fast. I started a healthy diet, with exercise and some small food restrictions, but it wasn't fast enough. This is why I strarted to purge. Binging came after that.

I gainded my weight target, X kg, but then I wanted more. I always thought I could stop whenever I wanted. My mom found out, she tried to help, but I managed to make her believe that I was healing.

I was exhausted all the time, I felt sick, I was depressed, I really didn't enjoy waking up in the morning anymore, every day was a terrible thing for me.

I was X kg and I still considered myself fat. My skin was dry, my hair was falling a lot, my teeth were hurting, so I decided I had to stop. But- surprise!!- I couldn't. I tried whatever I could to distract my attention from eating but it went from bad to worse.

One week ago, after 11 months, I went to my mother and told her all the truth. I asked for help. She was really worried and scared, but I discovered then this site and everything seemed brighter to me. The day after tommorow, I'm going to see a therapist.

It has only been a week since then, but I already feel like a new person. I'm only 17, my life shouldn't be ending.

I love and accept myself and I forgive myself and the others in order to move forward. Wish me good luck! :)

Thank you for writing the books and creating this site. You are awsome, Shaye!

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program