Your bulimia recovery
Tap here to read more about the bulimia recovery program

My online program and private recovery community has helped hundreds of women beat bulimia.
Click here to learn more

Beat bulimia using my online recovery program and private community. Hundreds of women who were just like you have done the same!

Click here to learn more Member Login

Mia - roommate inide my head.

by Ruby Mia
(Western Australia)

So I began purging at the end of 2008, I had just turned 14 and my parents were sending me to a different school for a year. Really it was an act of rebellion and attention seeking to highlight the fact that I didn't want to go.

I stopped almost immediately as my parents told me off and my teacher told me how it was bad. I didn't really listen to her as I wasn't serious about it. Just trying to get out of leaving.I then moved to boarding on the other side of the country from my family and friends. I was really self conscious and wasn't accepted in my new group of peers. I started taking diet pills to try and be skinnier to fit in. I then started purging at the end of term one. By the end of term 2 I got caught, and my friends started telling me to stop. Start of term 3 they told my head of boarding house and I was sent home to 'fix myself'.

I lied my way out of therapy, I agreed with the words the psychologist put in my mouth and repeated them to my family. I never stopped purging. I came home end of that year, (it was only a one year school thing) and was fine for a while. I had to have surgery and after being so ill with that, losing 9 kg I told myself I was never going to jeopardise my health. That I would appreciate it and be as healthy as possible. That didn't last.

When a really close family friend died, the only comfort I could find was with Mia (a nickname for Bulimia). I started purging again, not holding any food down. I would be purging worse than i did at boarding in 2009 (twice a day) and would be 3-4 times a day. I was fainting often, had the shakes constantly, dry skin and horrible calluses on my knuckles. No one noticed, I smiled at school, I had good grades, nothing was wrong, I was 'fine'. I also started exercising a lot and cutting back foods. I lost 10kg before my family asked if I was just dieting a little. I eventually started throwing up blood and this is when I finally started cutting back on purging, trying to limit how often I did it. Trying to regain some control. I continued to purge but over the next 4 months I slowly put the weight back on, back to a regular and 'healthy' weight.

2011: I started boarding again, at my school at home, not the one on the other side of the country. It was actually good for me. I could really only purge 2-4 a week. the best I had been in 2 and a bit years!!! I restricted a lot that year however. I would go through weeks of only having X calories and then 2 weeks of not caring at all what I ate. Then back to restricting. :(

2012: I went home again, where again no one notices if your bulimic. My fourth year now with Mia, I practically live off Soothers and Butter Menthols and I gargle to try and keep my throat from wearing out. I have a scar on my knuckle now, a present Mia has left me along with my addiction to it. I don't think I will ever recover, I don't need to, I don't think I want too. Mia is the only thing that has been with me through everything, it's so reliable, I know it will never go away, even if it's not nice to have around. I have done just fine with my illness, no one has noticed, I'm fine and no one cares. Bulimia obviously isn't serious enough for anyone to care I guess. I know its hard to recognise but, come on... four years?!??! No one has noticed anything wrong in over 2 years now. I guess I'm pretty sneaky I purge in the shower with music playing. No one hears me. No one suspects a thing. I'm 'perfect' in some peoples eyes, just not my own.

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.



Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program