Mia - roommate inide my head.
by Ruby Mia
So I began purging at the end of 2008, I had just turned 14 and my parents were sending me to a different school for a year. Really it was an act of rebellion and attention seeking to highlight the fact that I didn't want to go.
I stopped almost immediately as my parents told me off and my teacher told me how it was bad. I didn't really listen to her as I wasn't serious about it. Just trying to get out of leaving.I then moved to boarding on the other side of the country from my family and friends. I was really self conscious and wasn't accepted in my new group of peers. I started taking diet pills to try and be skinnier to fit in. I then started purging at the end of term one. By the end of term 2 I got caught, and my friends started telling me to stop. Start of term 3 they told my head of boarding house and I was sent home to 'fix myself'.
I lied my way out of therapy, I agreed with the words the psychologist put in my mouth and repeated them to my family. I never stopped purging. I came home end of that year, (it was only a one year school thing) and was fine for a while. I had to have surgery and after being so ill with that, losing 9 kg I told myself I was never going to jeopardise my health. That I would appreciate it and be as healthy as possible. That didn't last.
When a really close family friend died, the only comfort I could find was with Mia (a nickname for Bulimia). I started purging again, not holding any food down. I would be purging worse than i did at boarding in 2009 (twice a day) and would be 3-4 times a day. I was fainting often, had the shakes constantly, dry skin and horrible calluses on my knuckles. No one noticed, I smiled at school, I had good grades, nothing was wrong, I was 'fine'. I also started exercising a lot and cutting back foods. I lost 10kg before my family asked if I was just dieting a little. I eventually started throwing up blood and this is when I finally started cutting back on purging, trying to limit how often I did it. Trying to regain some control. I continued to purge but over the next 4 months I slowly put the weight back on, back to a regular and 'healthy' weight.
2011: I started boarding again, at my school at home, not the one on the other side of the country. It was actually good for me. I could really only purge 2-4 a week. the best I had been in 2 and a bit years!!! I restricted a lot that year however. I would go through weeks of only having X calories and then 2 weeks of not caring at all what I ate. Then back to restricting. :(
2012: I went home again, where again no one notices if your bulimic. My fourth year now with Mia, I practically live off Soothers and Butter Menthols and I gargle to try and keep my throat from wearing out. I have a scar on my knuckle now, a present Mia has left me along with my addiction to it. I don't think I will ever recover, I don't need to, I don't think I want too. Mia is the only thing that has been with me through everything, it's so reliable, I know it will never go away, even if it's not nice to have around. I have done just fine with my illness, no one has noticed, I'm fine and no one cares. Bulimia obviously isn't serious enough for anyone to care I guess. I know its hard to recognise but, come on... four years?!??! No one has noticed anything wrong in over 2 years now. I guess I'm pretty sneaky I purge in the shower with music playing. No one hears me. No one suspects a thing. I'm 'perfect' in some peoples eyes, just not my own.
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