Maybe One Day
It started when I was 14, a little overweight from just starting high school, eating out with friends all the time and being stressed about school work. Although I was never fat, for a gymnast it definitely sucked to compare myself to all the other girls my age. Boys would make fun of my weight, because I wasn't stick thin or had a perfect body. This started from grade 4 on, even my best friends making remarks and jokes about how I wasn't thin enough. By grade 7 all my friends were counting calories and skipping meals, by grade 9 I had trouble with social anxiety, by grade 10 was my first purge, and cut it rapidly developed after that, so much happened I became depressed, self harm and bulimia became normal to me. Its been over four years now, I managed to stop cutting even though I never told anyone, Im sure a couple know because of scars but my parents never said anything, never tried to help me. I still hide my bulimia, I keep trying to get better, but my parents have such a horrible relationship that it stresses me out, my mother doesn't buy any healthy food, so when I try to eat good its impossible which leads to the guilt and the never ending thought of being fat forever and the fact that my family situation sucks, I really believe that once I go away to university it might be better, I can buy my own food, make my own choices and not be controlled by them so much. I purged today for the first time in three months, I threw up blood, and now Im scared it will happen again, my parents make me feel worthless and no one actually notices anyways, but I hope I can do this alone, they could never understand, even if i wanted to tell them, they are too judgmental and wouldn't get it. I wish I knew someone who had gone through it, ( as bad as that sounds ) because going through it alone sucks, but your page is inspiring and it gives me hope that I can be the hero of my own story and I'd like to thank you for that. Anyways thanks for reading that :P
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