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Making the right decision about dieting in recovery

by Ji

Hey Shaye! I first wanna thank you for being a life saver during my recovery. You are a real angel!

Where am I in recovery? From 9 March I had just about 7 slip-ups till 19 April, and since then 2 months NO B/P-ing! I have to say I feel much better, but there are a few things that concern me.

First thing, as I don't b/p anymore, I am not so numb, and I feel quite depressed some of the days. I don't want to go to a doctor, coz they usually prescribe some antidepressants which only make things worse for me. Also I sometimes wake up during the night with a total confused feeling - I don't know where I am, what is going on and nothing. This really made me worried, and I am planning to see a doctor if things don't improve.

The other thing. It has been more than 3 months that I have been good, eating enough, etc. But I keep gaining weight. I have gained a total of 11 kgs, and that is really frustrating for me. I admit, I was slightly overeating some of the days, but still I don't understand it. I feel heavy and unconfortabble. I was thinking to start a diet, with just a very slight restriction, but I don't know if it is a good idea. There are many times when I had this idea, but was too afraid to do it. What do you think will be best for me to do?

Thanks so much for everything!

I hope you have a great weekend!


Shaye Says

Hi Ji!

Good to hear from you! And... well done on 2 months without binging and purging... That is such a great achievement!

Sometimes, when people first stop binging and purging, they notice they feel depressed. I think this is because once the binge and purge cycle is gone - a void can be left in your life... A space which used to be full of bulimia that is now just empty. The key is to fill this space up, so tightly, with happy and healthy things that there is no room for darkness...

For example, when I first stopped binging and purging... I felt a little bit lost. I decided I needed to find healthy things to fill my 'void'... I started spending time with family, making new friends, traveling, spending time in the environment and being creative with my art. At first I had to be persistent and make myself do these things (as depression can make you not want to take action) but, gradually I began to want to do them... In time, they became part of my life and now, they fill my heart with happiness.

What could you add into your life to fill the void that bulimia has left open?

On a different note... I know weight gain can be frustrating... But, restricting again will only lead to more bingeing and purging... I can almost guarantee it. Give your body time to heal... It is still scared that you will begin to restrict in the future so it is holding and storing fat... DONT PROVE IT RIGHT by restricting again as this will keep the cycle going! in time, you will settle at your natural set weight... And, that's when the party really starts! You'll be able to eat well and not worry about gaining weight.. You'll have energy and feel healthy and happy! But, it will take time for your body to settle... Maybe even a year... But however long it takes - I promise you, it is worth it!

Keep pushing ahead Ji... You are doing so well!

Bye for now,

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program