Making Progress - but I still binge and purge every day - What am I doing wrong?
I haven't asked you anything for a long time, but I feel so lost now...
After those 18 days bulimia free I relapsed and had 2 months December and January really bad. I still wanted to be healthy more than anything, but I felt so weak. I got myself together and February was a good month I had 9 days b/p free on and off... but I have learned a lot....
I have learned that restricting is making me relapse.
Also I have learned that I have a set point weight and the 2 times in my life when bulimia hit me I was trying to go below that exact weight.
Another good thing is that I feel hunger and satisfied again. But I binge and purge almost everyday. Why?
I eat very well, I eat breakfast, lunch and usually the b/p hits me right after lunch if I feel too full or around 5 and lasts for a few hours, but then I manage to get myself together and have a nice dinner. I had a purge free day the day before yesterday and it was great... Although I overate in the evening. But yesterday I was binging and purging from 3 pm till 8pm... It was terrible.
Why is this happening?
What am I doing wrong?
I want to get over this more than anything else!
Great to hear from you! I was actually thinking about you the other day and reading some of your past posts... So good to hear that you are still working on your recovery :)
I know you are feeling frustrated at how you are doing... but, from the outside - it looks like you are making some amazing progress... Especially by realising
1) Restricting is making your relapse.
2) You have a natural weight - which, if you drop below, triggers your bulimia.
These are such excellent observations - and they could be key to your recovery! I hope you treated yourself to an afternoon of relaxation and pampering for that good work! If not... You owe it to yourself!
One question I think I need to ask you is if you allow treat or fun foods into your day? Do you allow yourself to enjoy a little bit of chocolate or a cookie... A slice of pizza or donut... Yummy foods that you enjoy... from time to time? Or, do you try to be 'healthy' and only eat 'good' foods?
I found that when I tried to do this, I'd binge on all the foods I was depriving myself of. When I started adding a bit of chocolate and cheese into my meal plans, the urge to binge started to subside.
Perhaps you could try the same?
Also, remember that once you start to binge you can always say "NO!" and run out of the house, or turn on the music, or jump on the internet etc to distract yourself... I actually wrote an article on this for my last newsletter
(not sure if you've signed up) You can read the article here:Break the Habit Of Your Binge Purge Cycles
Please try out the little exercise in it... It will just be another positive step :)
I hope this helps Ji... I'm always here to give advise - so if you have any other questions, just drop me a line!