I've been suffering with my bulimia for 12 yrs now, i'm 27. My weight has plummeted an then soared and then plummeted again over the years,i feel ill, inside. I'm so tired of it all but cant stop what i'm doing, i feel like i'm letting everyone down, my partner,my children, my poor parents, everyone thinks i'm better (except my boyfriend), i even boast at how proud i am of myself yet im still bad, worse then ever! I was so hungry it hurt, i woke up the other night and i had no food as id binged it all away earlier, i actually ate cold dirty chips out of the kitchen bin, i sobbed as i did it, i feel so ashamed of myself. So trapped, sometimes i want to end it, properly this time, iv attempted suicide afew times, been sectioned in a mental hospital! If it wasnt for my kids i would kill myself, i cant live like this anymore, i cant handle it,its killing me. I just dont know how to break free of it. I think this is the lowest i can go right now, i'm ready to do anything to try and get better now, this site has given me some hope.
I'm praying i can beat this
I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through! I know bulimia is such a lonley and confusing thing to have... It causes us to do things that are completely out of our character. I used to lie and steal to get food... That is not who I am... it was what bulimia demanded of me.
I am glad that your children are there to make you keep pushing on with life.... But really, we want more than to just 'get by'... And you can do that... You can beat this and enjoy a beautiful life Clare - I know you can!
I am not sure if it's the type of thing you're into... But I run an online recovery program and support community. Please consider giving it a try - I am confident the information and support can help you! You can learn more about it here.
Whatever you decide your next step is - please never give up hope! I thought I was doomed to be bulimic for my entire life... now I am a completely normal eater. We can change our brains Clare and mold them back into health :)
Sending you lots of love from New Zealand!
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