Life is slipping through my hands like sand
The first time I purged, I was thirteen- just wanting to stay fast and thin for the track team. Thinness gave me power..."cuteness," desirability, worth.
I am now 27 and have never felt so worthless.
The binge-purge cycle runs my life. Always calculating when my next fix will be. Always hiding the truth from roommates, family, friends, my sweetheart. Cancelling plans...being a flake. The toilet bowl is a very lonely world- full of empty excuses.
I haven't had many lasting relationships, mostly because ED is the love of my life. I will chose Ed over money in the bank, over adventure, over time just sitting and breathing. Now that I am with someone that I love, I find it harder and harder to choose.
I want to have energy for the things that I love. I want to practice yoga and run and engage with people. I want to live with integrity. I want to have energy.
I want to be real. I want to be alive.
Wasted resources......................................it kills me inside to waste precious resources.
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