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As soon as I am left alone in my house,
I eat everything in sight and throw it out the toilet. The worst though, is that I've now taken the habit of doing it when I am not alone. I've done it at parties, so many times. People think you're drunk. Even those I've hosted, with no alcohol. People are too busy to notice you've eclipsed yourself five minutes to go throw up the cupcakes you were sneakily eating.

And at school, there are talks about " a senior girl who makes herself throw up". my classmates said they've heard her(me). Though they are dramatic and attention-seeking girls, I know part of their story is true.

I've been discovered and I keep lying, And I am hiding in shame and I am trying to stop. I'm going to run some sprint intervals now, and study, and try to feel alive because the shame makes me want to slice myself repeatdly or take very strong sleeping pills. I know where she hides them.

I am simple and Irrational, there are many things to appreciate about being alive and it takes for only one thing- this constant, skin-tight itch of shame and disgust- to make me want to end it all. I am in love and I am loved, and all I want to do is cease to exist.

Thanks for letting me write this,


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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program