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Jinas Struggles With Bulimia

by jina

I feel so.............stupid.

My parents figured out about my bulimia (I told and brought it out for help.) But, at the time I needed to use fingers to bring it all up.

However, now I simply just need to bend over and squeeze my tummy. It's so easy........ That's why it's so hard to give it up......... We moved to another country because of my cure (and other reasons too) my dad has gone back to our home country.... It's only me and my mom...

I also need to tell that my mom had cancer and she went through chemotherapy. She isn't aware of things as she used to be and it's dead easy to trick and hide food from her... She hussles and argues with me that if I continue not to change we'd be going back to our home country. (I'm taking theraphy just in case your wondering...) I love her so dearly.........

I hate myself doing this........stealing, hiding food, lying.......honestly these days I don't even feel the guilt....I used to be 57kg...and 42.....people around me say I'm so thin.....I enjoyed it at first but now it only sounds like they're having pity on me.......

I look misarable...because my neck gradually got thinner and it looks like I have a big head. I collect money in order to binge outside so my mother won't know....

This may sound really disgusting but I eat and purge it out and re-eat it again. (it still tastes the same since I purged it out before the acid came out.) I think I binge, purge and re-eat at least 2 times a day.

I want help.... what should i do? dude....I feel sooooooooo miserable..........

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program