Your bulimia recovery
Tap here to read more about the bulimia recovery program

My online program and private recovery community has helped hundreds of women beat bulimia.
Click here to learn more

Beat bulimia using my online recovery program and private community. Hundreds of women who were just like you have done the same!

Click here to learn more Member Login

I've been left feeling like a sad excuse for a person

by Lauren
(England)

I have had problems with food throughout my teenage life but it wasn't until I was 15 that I became bulimic. I realised that I could lose weight and eat whatever I wanted at the same time! I knew it was wrong and bad for me but I couldn't resist the ease of the weight loss and the satisfaction I felt after I had purged.

Unfortunately I have not just had problems with food but many other self loathing issues too as a result of sexual abuse I had experienced when I was younger and a difficult divorce in my teens. After these experiences I felt like incredibly low, I can't even begin to put into words how low I felt. I guess the bulimia made me feel better about myself and my memories. This desperation to purge after anything I ever ate became strong that I once drank water with a mug full of salt in it as an attempt to make myself ill. It didn't work and I remember crying for a long time after the burning pain of the salt and the anger I felt that I couldn't vomit. Eventually I realised that by sticking toothbrush all the way down my throat I was able to vomit every time.

It took only a few weeks before my secret became too much and I made myself so drunk I told my friend and her mum in a paralytic state about it all. I scared them. I didn't heare from them properly for 2 months, until I had recovered.

When my parents found out they wanted me to go to a therapist but I was determined to do it on my own. I did, eventually. It wasn't easy and it was painful! I hated every minute and with every mouthful I felt worse and worse but then I accepted that food was what I was using to cope with my memories I was able to eat, almost normally.

Now though, I am hurting again. Again. I feel bad again and I can't deal with food again. I am thinking about being sick again but so far I haven't purged in over 2 months. Now though I just want to eat all the time until feel sick. If you can help me please do! I'm desperate, I need to learn how to not eat my feelings. I really need some help please!!

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.

 

 

Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program