I've been in bulimia recovery but still want to relapse... Feeling hopeless
I want to say that I admire you so much. I have been living with bulimia since I was in 6th grade and now I'm in college. Its been 7 long years of my life.
When I got to college, bulimia really gripped me and spiraled out of control. I am trying to recover, but I havent told my family about it. My friends know about it, but I cant tell my parents. I feel like they will be so upset with themselves for not confronting it earlier...
I know they know because when I was in 6th grde they found me on a pro ana website, 7th grade they found a thinspiration diary, 8th it was diet pills, 9th I had a seizure and dropped to 98 lbs. They know, but they dont talk to me about it... I put on weight and they think i'm "ok".
How do I address this? Because everytime I get to 120+ days of no binge purge I relapse and spiral... Do you have any suggestions?
120 days without bingeing an purging is an awesome achievement... SO you must congratulate yourself for getting that far!
The reason I think you slip up after this amount of time is that you are using self control to manage the bingeing... Self control can only work for so long... You need to address the deeper psychological triggers of your bulimia and weight issues...
When I was bulimic I found it hard to go a single day without bingeing and purging - the addiction was just too strong. I binged to avoid confronting emotions and feelings which I felt I couldn't handle. It took a lot of work building up my self belief before I was able to stop the bingeing for good.
I think it would help you a lot to talk to your parents about your bulimia... It would help end the silence and secrecy - and you could put that behind you and focus on recovery. I'm sure the reason your parents havn't confronted you about things is NOT because they don't care - but because they have no idea what to do... And, now that you are a normal weight - they may think that you have truly recovered.
Recovery is possible - I promise - but you need to do it in little steps. As long as you are walking in the right direction - you will get there. Talking to your parents could be a good next step.
I hope this helps! Please feel free to ask any other questions :)
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