Is it bulimia? A strange ED cycle.
First of all I want to apologize about my English, I know it’s really bad!
Second of all, WOW I’m impressed with all the stories I’ve read!
My story is in part similar to some, but I’m not a “normal” bulimic. Well, I have phases of restriction, binging and binging and purge; an then it starts again – that’s my cycle. My phases last about a month each. Anyone like me?
Well, in my restriction phases I try to lose weight and I restrict my intake to about Xkcal a day or less. I lose weight, but then… here comes the feeling of “OMG you’ve been starving yourself, you are sick!” and I start eating. But not eating normally – binge eating. Ok, in the phases I binge I eat like Xcal a day or so… and then the feeling “OMG I’m fat, it has to stop!”. And I can’t stop. Ok, here comes the bulimic phase – same as binge phase but purging. Binge and purging all day, for a long period. After this phase comes the feeling of “OMG you’re hurting you, stop purging!” – and… what’s the best way to stop purging? Not eating. And the cycle begins again…
I don’t know what I am exactly. I’m a bulimic? I think I am, but with strange patterns. I think all day about food and what I’m going to eat next, how many calories i'm eating... I’m a pastry and cooking student and I love nutrition, so my life is FOOD. That food I love and I hate so much…
After 3 years of “strange eating habits” (I don’t want to call it bulimia), I decided to stop this. I’m now in treatment with a psychologist (she says I have phases of anorexia and bulimia) and taking meds for depression and anxiety. I have a meal plan I made with my therapist – it’s a structured eating plan with safe foods so that I don’t feel guilty and don’t purge.
I hope I can normalize my relationship with food soon… and share my success story with you.
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