I have suffered with bulimia for nearly 10 years. It has taken over my life I am depressed, ashamed and mad at myself for being so weak for not being able to control this insane urge to be thin.
I used to get bullied for being fat when I was younger so I dieted and lost weight and felt happier. Although, when my dad died 13 years ago I started to eat 'forbidden foods' such as crisps and chocolate. I would eat them in secret and feel so bad that I used to go for a swim.
I was so upset about the sudden death of my dad that I went from eating 3 meals a day to eating one. I lost more weight and that's when the restricting began, which over the years has lead to binging, purging, taking excessive amount of laxatives and diuretics.
I have damaged my stomach that i'm sick when I bend down, I get bad bloating, severe water retention and constipation. I have been hospitalised due to low potassium and can't do my job because of my this but I still can't stop binging, purging and taking diuretics.
I feel so much happier with a flat stomach. I'm on the lowest end of my weight for my height and have attempted recovery twice.
My family don't know and my consultants are baffled. I tried recovery last month and managed 2.5 weeks and I gave in due to weight gain, bloating, constipation and fluid retention and now I feel so ashamed and locked in this guilt.
My mum sort of knows I have an ED but doesn't; think that I induce vomiting. Please can anyone give me any advice as I'm worried that I have damaged my body forever. Also, is it best to get my eating sorted them gradually reduce the diuretics?
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