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I'm so confused

by Leah

For almost 5 years I've been a diagnosed bulimic. The b/p cycle I was on for the first 3-3.5 years nearly destroyed me. I am only 18, but my parents became aware of the issue when I was 14. In order to hide it from them, I continued my binging but would wait 1-2 hours to purge, just in case they were watching. Now I've gotten into the habit of only purging my meals when I have somewhere to be right after I eat. If I am going to be at home, I binge and tell myself that I will purge, but I'm just so tired of purging that I wait to do it. Most of the time I'm so physically and mentally exhausted, I fall asleep. This turns into a vicious war between my mind and my body. In some ways, I am glad I didn't purge another meal. In other ways, watching myself pack on the weight I lost the first 3.5 years is heartbreaking. And so I continue. Honestly, I believe that if I could stop binging, I could control my purging. I've already begun to control that, which is something I never thought I could do. Has anyone else ever experienced this problem? And if so, how did you overcome it?

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Article by Shaye Boddington
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