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I'm slowing killing myself but I can't help it.

by tired
(Malaysia)

Hi. I'm 14 and well, I'm bulimic. Before I entered secondary school, I was actually happy with my body. Then I started getting teased about my thighs, my flabs, my tummy, everything. Even my own mother called me fat. So, I started seeing myself in a different way. I started comparing myself to other girls, to celebrities, to models, to everyone. The first thing that I would notice in people were their thighs, then tummy. I got depressed a lot. I started dieting. Then, I started exercising. When I couldn't lose the weight as fast as I wanted, I started purging. It didn't start off as a serious thing. It was just once a week. Then I started doing it more. My hair started falling out. I've been super tired everyday. I'm just scared. I don't wanna die. I just want to be thin. I know it's bad, but I can't help it. I just can't. I tried stopping. I honestly did. But it's just so hard. I just want to lie down in my bed and cry and cry and cry. I actually broke down in front of my peers before after thinking about all my fats. I'm scared. I really am.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


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