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I'm sick

Ask me how I'm feeling right now...
I feel sick, I feel tired, exhausted, unhappy, full and ill.
I just want help... The thought of telling a loved one about this awful illness scares me, it's embarrassing and I think they already know. Obviously family members who live with me notices the empty wrappers, weight gain, weight loss and my emotions. They know there's something wrong with me but I still can't seem to build up the courage to let my "secret" out. I'm done trying to hide, I'm done trying hide the fact I'm ill and I need help. It's been a just over a year when I started noticing my bulimic habits. It's been a year since I've been out with my friends because I hate my body, the way I look, I just want to be perfect. Every time I 'binge' I say I can't do this again and restrict myself from eating which only lasts a week the most, which makes me think how many weeks are in a year? That's how many times I've binged plus a bit more. It makes me feel sick that this has controlled my life. I've lost all my friends, I've lost my relationship of five years, I've lost myself. All I can think about is how amazing my family are. I know deep down they know my secret which kind of worries me but they'd do anything to make me feel happy. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to get fat I just want to be happy :(

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program