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im losing it

by meme
(Dubai)

im 21 years old , I've never been overweight (168 cm,X kg )but I wasn't thin either I didn't like how I looked so at the start of this year i went on a low carb diet to lose weight and look slimmer. I exercised intensely everyday for at "least" 1 hour and ate X calories(sometimes less) worth of veggies and some dairy( no meat or chicken). I can say it was a pretty strict diet I felt so hungry sometimes I would go to my room and sleep to forget about it. After 6 months I lost a lot of weight and reached the slightly underweight category (168cm,X kg). Everyone toled me how sick I looked and that my face was so slim it reminded them of a character called smegel in the movie "Lord of the rings" ( he's terribly ugly).Soon after I went on vacation and allowed myself to indulge on all the foods I was depriving myself of, specially pastries and chocolate. This is the beginning of when I lost control over my eating.i came back from my vacation and began to eat more and more. I didnt know what was happening to me I craved carbs so bad so I binged daily even when I told myself I worked so hard to get where I'm at to lose control now. I began to use laxatives to get rid of all the food(used them for a month). i put on X kg in less than 3 weeks. Im X kg now I really dont want to put on more and I'm so scared I dont know what to do. I tell myself everyday to start taking control, to eat 3 healthy meals a day ,to indulge every once in a while. But it doesnt work no matter how hard I try I seem to lose control at the sight of food and I cant ever get full even when my stomach is so bloated I can hardly breath.
Is it because I stressed my body too much that it thinks I'm going to starve it again? Or is it because there are nutrients my body needs. I need to control my appetite I need to know when to stop eating I need help, I want to be healthy but I dont want to look fat like before.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program