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I'm just so grosse!

I'm still suffering with bulimia. Have been since 2008. I have gone through periods of time ( a month or so) where i haven't thrown up anything or been really happy but thats usually when i have a good exercise regime in place.

However, it's never lasted long!

My sisters and mum have all caught me, about 2 years ago. My eldest sister went mental and took my to my GP called eating disorder clinics. Which was humiliating because I wasn't even thin. Infact my BMI was X. Which is really high!

Anyway that was a disaster. Since then I have lied and lied and lied a bit more about how 'fine' i am. They all have their suspisions from time to time but they only occasionally dare to confront me. but they usually get a retaliation of very cinvincing lies. I'm a pretty good actor and I use that to my advantage. I know all the tricks. where to puke, when to puke how to puke. What foods puke easily. How much water i need. I dont even have to stick my fingers down my throat. It just happens now.

My periods have totally stopped. I used to have them every 2-3 months. I haven't had one since October 2012 now.

which reminds me. I have a horrible fear of periods. I hate them. I feel so discusting when i have one. there have been times when i have broken the binge habit for a while and my period has come back and i think 'shit! i need to start puking again' so the cycle starts once more...

Anyway, my sister found me again recently. She sent me a long email and I'm kinda glad she did find me. I want to get help but i dont have the money or the time to right now. I know that sounds lame, but its true!!!

I'm so humiliated. Utterly horrified that 'I'M' that bulimic girl.

help :(

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program