I'm Bulimia's Bitch
Ever since I was around Ten years old maybe even nine I had it in my head that vomiting up the food I had just eaten was okay, that it was normal. I have had issues with my body image from around 5 years old, but now I am 16 and it's gotten 100% worse. I can't help it I am just so used to binging and purging and binging and purging and I can't bring myself to stop. I have tried what seems like everything but I always just go back to it. I have really only just admitted to myself that I do have bulimia. It doesn't even make sense I am a happy person everyone knows me as the bubbly, confident and outgoing girl but I guess on the inside I'm really not. I haven't told anyone about this. It's the first time I have ever spoken up about this and I don't think I could bring myself to tell anyone I know. It's so hard because I know I am hurting my poor body and I am even beginning to get serious health problems. But I CANT stop, I don't think I ever will. I don't know if this is considered Bulimia as well but not long ago I was so stressed out, when I get stressed or angry I just want inflict pain on myself so that the emotions can just leave my body, I swallowed a razor blade, I had no intention of killing myself and nothing happened. I am alright. I am alive. I know I am an idiot but there is no stopping it, I just couldn't help it. I never can. I just want help and I just want to be skinny. I know that maybe if I just got to that point then I would be happy. Maybe.. I know if I tell someone they will just tell me to stop , and they just don't understand it's really not that easy.
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