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I would have never called myself a bulimic.

by Lexi
(Columbus Ohio)

I have struggled with disordered eating and a distorted body image since I was seven years old. As a second grader, I remember wearing one of my mother's sports bras as a belly shirt and consciously thinking that I need to make sure that I suck in my gut so I don't look as fat.

I was anorexic by the age of 10. I had lost X pounds from fourth grade to fifth grade. People commented on how small I was as a fifth grader and I felt proud. I was the skinniest of all my friends and wore the smallest Limited Too pants.

I was bulimic by the age of 16. I was on the internet scrolling though pro ana websites to give me strength not to eat. I liked food. I wanted food. But food was evil. How could I have food but not gain weight? The solution was staring at my on the computer screen. Ana told me to throw up and I happily obliged. I clipped my nails and stuck my index and my middle finger as far down my throat as possible. I gagged, I drooled, my eyes watered, and I was shaking. It was unpleasant, painful, and shameful... but in that moment I knew I was hooked.

I want this to end. I NEED THIS TO END. My stomach hurts all the time. I'm bloated, I'm sad, and food consumes me!

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program