I would have never called myself a bulimic.
I have struggled with disordered eating and a distorted body image since I was seven years old. As a second grader, I remember wearing one of my mother's sports bras as a belly shirt and consciously thinking that I need to make sure that I suck in my gut so I don't look as fat.
I was anorexic by the age of 10. I had lost X pounds from fourth grade to fifth grade. People commented on how small I was as a fifth grader and I felt proud. I was the skinniest of all my friends and wore the smallest Limited Too pants.
I was bulimic by the age of 16. I was on the internet scrolling though pro ana websites to give me strength not to eat. I liked food. I wanted food. But food was evil. How could I have food but not gain weight? The solution was staring at my on the computer screen. Ana told me to throw up and I happily obliged. I clipped my nails and stuck my index and my middle finger as far down my throat as possible. I gagged, I drooled, my eyes watered, and I was shaking. It was unpleasant, painful, and shameful... but in that moment I knew I was hooked.
I want this to end. I NEED THIS TO END. My stomach hurts all the time. I'm bloated, I'm sad, and food consumes me!
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.