I wish I was stronger; a ballerinas secret part 2
I wrote a ballerinas secret. I've been trying to stop binging for about a month and I had two weeks straight without making myself vomit! Until tonight :/ For two weeks I was completey bulimia free. I ate kind of normally (still binging on lots Of food) but I kept it all down. I was eating meals without thinking "how am I going to get rid of this". I felt great, enthused, healthy, happy. Except I have put on about 3 kilos and I don't like it.
Every night I say tomorrow I'm gonna go on a normal, healthy food diet; but it never happens. Today I ate so much and after dinner I had soo much in my belly I couldn't stand up I was in that much pain. So in the space of just a couple of seconds, I got rid of it all and ruined the two weeks I was so proud of myself for.
Now I'm sitting here feeling yuck and hating myself for what I've done. I have to start counting the weeks again. I told myself that after a month of being bulimia free that I could truly get through it. I was halfway there but now I have to start again. When I was vomiting, I would go to bed with chest pains and found it hard to breath, but for the past week and a half I didn't experience any of that. Now, from just one purge I am feeling all of this pain again. I can't deal with this. I have a ballet exam in two days and I need to be energetic and healthy. I'm an idiot. Help!
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