I want to stop bulimia - but can't?
I'm 22, I've been purging for the past 4 years, and only recently I'm admitting to myself that I am a bulimic, I am.
My parents found out I was doing it a few years ago and they thought it has stopped but only because I've become more clever now, I leave the door half open, I do not put two fingers down my throat any more so I don't cough and make noise, I don't make the water run but I just squeeze my tummy really tight and eventually it all comes out silently. I'v been doing it every day, even more than once a day for the past 4 years, even when I go to fancy restaurants with my boyfriend, I will find a way to do it...
I am disgusted of the way I am living my life, it's not how I want to be, it's not normal, and even though every time I promise myself I will never do it again and manage not do it for a few days and try and start a new life eating healthily so I don't need to purge, I always fall down to my cravings, I can't stop the binges and therefore can't stop the purging!!
I am so scared of how I will become, already I have signs showing,e.g. chipmunk cheeks.(btw are they permanent?)
I just want my desires for food to vanish, why do I desire it so much? I like that feeling of fullness and then the feeling of emptiness straight after...I am not even losing weight at all,just staying on my normal 50 kg and neither gaining or losing,and it's been 4 years..So I know it doesn't help me lose weight,but I do it so I can just eat just like an obese person would eat and still not be obese...if that makes sense..
I want to stop,I need to,I'm an adult now,not a teenager anymore but I feel like I'm a slave to bulimia...I just can't stop!
Hi there M...
Thanks for writing :) First of all I want you to know you're not alone... There are hundreds of thousands of girls like you out there. Did you know bulimia effects as many as 1 in 10 women at some stage in their lives?
Never feel like you're 'not normal'... You're a normal person - who has a problem. And do you wanna know the good thing... Problems can be fixed :)
The cravings that we get when we're bulimic are SO intense. It feels like a drug addict towards drugs - or an alcoholic towards alcohol. It seems we can't control them... But you know what... we can learn to control them - and even beat them for good.
I have written a few articles lately that I'm confident will help you:This one is teaches you how to prevent binges using a method called intuitive eating.
andThis article is about how to make bulimia recovery goals that your brain can understand
Please read them - and really try to absorb what they say. You sound like you really want to recover - so I have every faith that if you follow all that advice you will get there in time :)
You question about "are chipmunk cheeks permanent" ..... No, don't worry they're not. My face got quite swollen during my bulimia. once I'd recovered I actually looked like I'd lost weigh tin the face because my bone structure was showing for the first time in ages! It may take a while after recovery (I think mine were gone within 3 months of my last binge/purge) but eventually your chipmunk cheeks will go.
I hope that I have been of some help? Please feel free to write on my site whenever you want... Every time you post something - you're not only helping yourself - but other bulimics out there who have the same experiences or questions.
All the Love.
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