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I want to get better for myself.

by Shell
(Gold Coast)

I have been bulimic for about three years. I have decided that I really want to stop and I've just started on the 10 Steps to Bulimia Recovery. I wanted to share my story here because I can think of no one in real life that I can tell it to.

I don't remember when I really started binging and purging, but now I do it almost every day; some days twice or three times. I started when I was about 18, and I think it was probably a compounding of the fact that I'd broken up with my then-boyfriend and, because of the increasing workload from school, I dropped my extracurricular activities, which constituted most of my exercise. After that I felt out of shape and I think bulimia was one of the ways I tried to cope with it. Of course, the more I did it, the more my metabolism went haywire and I didn't lose weight.

I started feeling guilty about eating simple carbohydrates like white rice, white bread and potatoes. In that same list were sweet foods like cake, ice cream, and cookies - basically everything I thought of as "unhealthy" food. So each time I'd eat those things, I'd end up binging and purging. I hate myself for doing this because the rational part of me knows that in small quantities, this stuff is alright. I just can't seem to keep to small amounts. I always feel like a miserable failure regarding this lack of control.

But I'm 21 now, and I've moved from my home country to Australia to pursue my degree. Things have gotten worse here because of the increased feelings of isolation, the many hours I spend alone at home, and the fact that I have again put on weight. I really want to get better because I'm sick of being sick. I want to get to a place where I'm healthy and fit and okay with my body again. I want to get better for my parents, for my sister and for myself and my future.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program