I want to beat my bulimia... After I lose weight.
I'm 18 and I'm a bulimic for about a year now. I wanted to stop myself doing it so badly, I can't even describe. I'm just going in circles. I binge, I purge then promise myself not to do it again. Then it starts all over again. I hate myself for not being strong enough. I hate myself everytime I look in the mirror. Everyday, food and calories are in my mind somewhere. I was doing great recently though, I was eating nothing but cereals as breakfast and dinner. (I know it's actually worse but...) And I had lost X kgs in 4 days! Then some bad things happened in my life and I started to eat everything that I found. I've gained a kg immediately back!
Whatever, I think you all know how I feel. I've been searching for some kind of treatment on this website. But whenever I find a way, I think "I need lose some weight first, then I can start doing this" in back of my mind. I'm not one of that skinny bulimics that consider herself fat delusionally. I am fat. Well, not THAT fat, I'm aware of this too. Basically, I don't wanna stop until I lose weight. And I know bulimia is not helping me lose any weight, but it might be starting to becoming an anorexia. What should I do to get rid of all of this thoughts? A therapist? (Which I tried a while but didn't work out.) I know this is not a "story" but can you help? I wanna feel and THINK like a normal person... I'm so tired.
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