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I want to be me...

by Diana

I have been a bulimic for a bout 4 years (on and off) but these past few months things have gotten out of control and I feel sick. I really feel its someone else inside of me and I hear voices and my life is all about my obsesion with b/p. ..I don't even feel guilty about it but now that im missing my period and can't focus at all, im exhausted all the time, I can't think or concentrate at all..or memorize/remember im really worrying about my bulimia. Im scared and I can't even slee p at head is constantly planning when the best time to b/p is and how to do it so nobody notices and how to make everybody think that im perfectly fine despite the fact im sick...pretty much killing myself. I feel this is not me...some kind of a liar who enjoys planning sneaky things to pretty much end up killing herself.... do you think once I start recovering I will be myself again? I want to be happy inside of me...people say im always happy but im just putting on a mask to hide my depression and loneliness..I am so isolated from people and stopped talking to friends after I used to be the president of my school when I was in high school....I had a lot of friends but I just don't enjoy socializing anymore and stopped talking to people. I want that voice and bulimic person out of my mind..I want to be me. Is that possible? Will that eventually happen if I stop vomiting?

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program