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I wanna be happy

Well I've been bulimic for about 4 years now .. but it was never really as bad as it is now .. my family has no clue that I am at all, it wouldn't even cross their minds..I figured that the only way to hide it is to do it when nobody is around. It all started after I lost X pounds, with the help of appetite suppressants. Out of everyone in my family I've been the only big girl, and it sucked to be compared to my younger sister who is absolutely beautiful and my cousins who are gorgeous and my mom who at her 40s was still rocking.. and for some reasons I've always been the fatty. So about five years ago I took drastic changes and pretty much became anorexic and workout freak .. and finally I felt like I belonged in my family .. the doctor later on took me off my pills because I was at my healthy weight .. and I went into a panic mode thinking anything I was gonna eat was go make me regain the weight. So I would eat little around people and stuff my face when nobody was around and then puke .. and lately I find myself doing it multiple times a day .. I can tell you I live with my boyfriend and he would have no idea that I am bulimic.. I just never seem to feel full.. I wake up thinking about food I sleep thinking about and I feel like I gain weight just thinking about it .. I just want to wake up one day where I'm happy and not about how food is going to affect me and when will it be a good time to throw up ...

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program