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I suffer from bulimia and no one even suspects because I am a size 16

I am in need of help and I do not know where to turn. No one in my life is aware of my eating habits. No one is even suspicious, because I am overweight. I have lost a significant amount of weight, mostly in a healthy way. I work out and eat better. I am currently a size 16, and have maintained it mostly for nearly 2 years. However, when I feel myself slipping, I start purging more. I've been doing it off and on (mostly on) since high school, which was about 10 years ago.

I've been slowly gaining back some of the weight I lost. So far, about X-X pounds of the X I lost. I cant seem to control my food intake, and my time for exercise has been lessened lately, so I am turning to purging more often than before.

I've started journalling about it, but I live in constant fear of my girlfriend reading it. I don't know why, but I have an insane fear of her finding out.. We've been together for 3 years and she does not know. We do not live together, so it's easier for me to do it when I am alone. When we are together, I am better at controlling my eating, because I know that I wont have the same opportunity to purge. But when I am alone, it's almost like a game... See how much food I can possibly consume, then get rid of it all afterwards. I even shop in secret, so I can fill my basket with crap foods and processed goodies.

When we are together, I eat quinoa, veggies, smoothies, etc. I appear to live a very healthy lifestyle. But as soon as I am alone, I eat until I feel like I will literally explode, then I throw it all up. Pizza is my vice. I can eat an entire large pizza in one sitting, usually with only 1 purge break in the middle. It's disgusting.

How do I stop this?? I need this under control before we move in together this summer.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program